A Tale of Three Kings...

I'm reading a tale of three kings. It's a book on brokenness. It's fantastic. Here is something that just hit me like a ton of bricks, and humbles me even more:

At this time, David is deciding whether he wants to become a Saul and try and defeat Absalom who may be trying to take over his throne, or to possibly let his kingdom fall at the hands of this new young ruler.
"I did not lift a finger to be made king. Nor shall I do so to preserve the kingdom. Even the kingdom of God! God put me here. It is not my responsibility to take, or keep, authority. Do you not realize, it may be his will for these things to take place? If he chooses, God can protect and keep the kingdom even now. After all, it is his kingdom.....In either case, I shall raise no hand! Wouldn't I look a little strange trying to stay in control if God desires tat I fall?" "But you know that Absalom should not be king!", replied Abishai in frustration. "Do I? No man knows. Only God knows, and he has not spoken. I did not fight to be king, and I will not fight to remain king. May God come tonight and take the throne, the kingship, and..." David's voice faltered. "And his anointing from me. I seek his will,  not his power. I repeat, I desire his will more than I desire a position of leadership. He may be through with me."

Thank you David for reminding me that having a position of leadership is an anointing from God and He doesn't really need me. Relinquishing control over that leadership is the best course of action because ultimately it is His, whether I am involved in it or not.

Abide in Me?

Every year that I go to camp, God is like "Hey! Here's what you did good, and here's where I can grow you" and I'm like ::sigh:: yea....I know....help me...

and He always does, which is why I love Him so much...doesn't matter how much I fall, He always catches me

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."

Abide in me? Abide in me. Abide in ME...Abide in God so that God can abide in me. How can I abide in God if so much of me is not righteous. God calls us to be holy as He is holy. This seems hard. Like....real hard. How can I be holy as God is holy? Well, it's nothing I can do, it's what God can do. This whole change thing...it can really hurt sometimes, to be honest.


Hey God, help me abide in you so you can abide in me. I'm a mess, but you're in the business of mending and fixing. Make your word evident in my life...


On a side note, my mom made her AMAZING oatmeal raisin cookies. I'm in baked good heaven..and I've broken out the "I'm eating something good" dance

Tired

I'm telling you....working at Calvary can be the most exhausting thing! Especially around camp time. You're dealing with stressed Garfields and Christinas and completely insane parents. It's like when camp time comes around, parents take on this whole new persona that you never see and they are suddenly crazy! Not all.....but you do meet your quackers. It's so weird to be in the same place 3 years later. I'm enjoying it though. Things are different, and it's nice.
I can't believe that this is my 6th middle school summer camp. And yet each year, God gives me new ideas. It's crazy. I enjoy it so much though....I think that's why I've kept doing it year after year.
I really enjoy being creative with camp and interacting with different personalities in the office. Garfield calls our office the estrogen office because me, Sam Sweeting, Christina, and sometimes Julianna are all in the same office. It's quite hilarious. Anyway....this year should be fun. Some good changes. Mad props to Ashley for getting things started and helping me out. You're amazing!!

2010

This whole growing up thing is way too weird. The high school class of 2010 just graduated. How can it be that 4 years ago I walked across that same stage? When I was going into 9th grade, they were going into 5th grade. And now? Now they're graduated, going off to college, and entering into the era of their lives that I just finished. It's surreal. There are those who are several years younger than me who are in serious relationships and are either engaged or close to it, and yet I am perpetually single. Not that I'm complaining. It's just so weird to be sitting in the same spot since forever and watch so many others go through things that I haven't experienced. That's not saying a whole lot since there's a lot I haven't experienced. Like a relationship.

I don't really know what I would do with a relationship. Honestly. The thought scares me. Well....frankly, the thought of having someone know me that well scares me more than anything. Guard your heart. Guard your heart. Well....I've done a good job of that! It's guarded! Barbed wire and everything! Love is crazy. Seriously. What am I ever going to do with it? Right now? Give it to the Lord. He has my heart and my love, and He knows what to do with it :)

Spiders....

THERE ARE SPIDERS IN MY CAR....

I don't know how they got in there....but they're there. It's ridiculous. I'm driving and they start crawling out of the dashboard.....it's terrible. The other night, in the middle of the parking lot of a movie theater, I started freaking out because one jumped on me. IT JUMPED ON ME. I saw my life flash before my eyes....no joke.

This is my "There are spiders in my car" face.....I don't know how to get them out... :(

What do you mean "love others"?

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:11-12

Why is this commandment one of the hardest to keep? Love others as I have loved you? Sure God! I can love other people! I can love my friends, those I work with, those I like.......oh wait, you mean love everyone? You mean even love the people I don't like and don't get along with? Crap....

Thank you God for giving me the opportunity to love others, even when I get nothing in return. When I am spent, you fill me up. The grace you give me is astounding...