What am I doing?

God, what am I doing? Probably something I've uttered more times this year than I ever have before. But really, what am I doing? It's like I want to say to myself, "Alright God, I've tried bargaining with you. I read Your Word more and do the christian thing better, and You tell me where I am right now and what I'm doing with my life. Right Now." I can just imagine God up there chuckling, because you know that His children make him laugh. But not in a condecending way, but in a "I love you and know what's best for you" way. And when I get to that point, like tonight, He whispers that to me. He tells me to trust Him.  To trust in His word that tells me that He has a hope and a future for me and He will never leave me. Never leave me alone.

But God, do you know the kind of pressure I"m under? Do you understand that my dad is so frustrated with me? Heh, as if He didn't know. He had the ultimate pressure put on His shoulders as He carried that cross up the hill. Knowing. Knowing full well what was coming, and yet He did. Because He loves me, and He knows what's best for me.

Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait