Monday, September 28, 2009

Are you there God? It's me, Amy

I've been in a slump lately and I don't really know why. I have theories, though none are conclusive as of yet. It's not even a slump I can describe. It's this feeling of having absolutely no motivation to do anything yet wanting to get everything done.

I haven't been truly happy in a while. It's like in the span of about 5 weeks, everything about my life changed, and I think it's rocked me a little bit. I've changed how I think about a lot of things. I'm contemplating the fact that in the Spring of 2010, I will be a college graduate and therefore will have to grow up. I'm also a little excited with the fact that, if I wanted to, I could live anywhere and I wouldn't be tied down here by anything (aside from family). No excuses. No fantastic job (although I love working at ACE), no school, no boyfriend. None. That excites me a little bit. It excites me that, if I wanted to, I could live. Will I be doing anything about that? Probably not. I'm not comfortable with change. I prefer to stay complacent, which is maybe why I've gotten to where I am right now.

I'm mulling a few things over in my head. Things that will change one of the stable things in my life. Once again, I lean too much on what others say rather that what God says. I want to care about what God says, but at this point, I've got nothing. Just conflicting feelings and prayers that feel like they've hit a wall.

And yes, I know He's always listening and hears me. And yes, I know His plan is best. And yes, I've prayed about it. But how can I follow what He wants me to do if I can't hear His voice?

I feel like I've asked that question before...