Monday, December 2, 2013

8 years...

It's hard to believe it's been 8 years since my life changed forever. Let me think back to 8 years ago. 8 years ago I was 17, a senior in high school, and getting ready to go on a missions trip to Russia the day after Christmas. 8 years ago I was excited about decorating for Christmas, complete with lighted garland and white twinkle lights in the bushes. 8 years ago I was also helping my sister plan her wedding which never happened...

I'll never forget sitting in the car about to visit the cake vendor for last minute touches. Rodney Atkin's "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" was on the radio and we were both singing it as loud as possible. It was her favorite song at the time. My sister pulled out a shade of red lipstick that always made her blue eyes pop and applied it with perfection is one swoop. I had yet to master the art of the lipstick; heck the idea of tweezing my eyebrows was still a bizarre concept to me. I remember telling her that I didn't know how she did it; I would never be that good. She smirked at me with the side of her mouth and said "It's like with anything you need to learn. Commit to doing it and it will eventually work itself out." I smiled at her thinking "yea right..."

I miss her so much sometimes it physically hurts. I miss harmonizing with her while singing The Little Mermaid's "Part of Your World" while clearing the table after dinner. I miss experiencing fireflies for the first time during our trip to North Carolina when I was 12. I miss venting my anger and frustration over whatever stupid fight I got in with my parents in her room while we both colored Disney princesses and she silently listened.

I miss thinking that no one would ever be as gorgeous as she was.

I trust God completely and I rest in knowing that He does work terrible experiences for His perfect will. It doesn't mean I'll ever understand it....but that's ok.

Whenever I freak out, convinced that I'm going to wind up being the only 30 year old woman who ever lived that never had a serious boyfriend, I always hear my sister's voice as she told me that one day there will be one boy who will be the one person I had been waiting for. I always knew she was brilliant... ;)